IVF as a couple: what to expect, practically and emotionally

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In this video, in Hindi, Dr Mayur Pai explains IVF from the patient's point of view. The medical steps are covered in our guide to the IVF process. This article is about the other side of IVF, the part couples live through: the time it takes, what each of you does, the feelings that come with it, and how to prepare.

What does IVF ask of each of you?

IVF is a joint treatment, even though the wife carries most of the physical part. She has the injections, the scans, the egg collection and the embryo transfer. The husband has his own tests, and gives the semen sample on the day of egg collection.

His part is not small. Couples who share the load, from the paperwork to the injections to simply being there, usually find the journey easier. Many husbands learn to give the injections at home, and many come to the scans. Before treatment starts, both of you sign consent forms, as the law requires, so plan to come together for the first visits and bring every earlier report you have.

How much time does IVF take?

There are two parts. First come the consultation and the tests for both of you, which can often be completed within one menstrual cycle. Then comes the treatment cycle itself, which usually takes about a month, from the first injection to the pregnancy test. Our IVF timeline shows what each week looks like. For the wife, the time broadly goes like this:

• Injection days: daily injections, usually for around ten days, give or take, with short scan visits every few days. Many women keep working through this phase.
• Egg collection day: a short procedure under light anaesthesia. Plan to take that day off, and perhaps the next.
• Embryo transfer day: a quick procedure without anaesthesia, usually a few days after the collection. A short rest, then home.
• The wait: normal life until the pregnancy test, on a date the doctor gives you.

For the husband, the key days are his tests and the morning of egg collection. If he may be away that day, tell the team early; there are ways to plan around it. Sometimes the doctor advises freezing all the embryos and transferring one in a later cycle. That adds a few weeks, but it can be the safer choice.

How should we prepare before starting?

• Health first. Stop smoking, cut down alcohol, move towards a healthy weight, and get any thyroid or sugar problem under control. This applies to both of you. Sperm take about three months to develop, so the changes a husband makes now show up in later samples.
• Folic acid. The wife should take folic acid as the doctor advises, ideally before treatment starts.
• Work and travel. Look at your calendar for the coming month, and keep some flexibility, because scan and procedure dates depend on how the body responds.
• Money. Ask for the full cost of the cycle before you begin, and what it covers, so there are no surprises later.
• Questions. Write them down and bring them. No question is too small.

What is the emotional side really like?

IVF is emotional, and it helps to expect that. Many couples go through hope, worry, impatience and tiredness, sometimes all in a single day. The medicines can make some women feel bloated, tearful or irritable for a while. None of this means anything is going wrong.

The wait after the transfer is often the hardest stretch. Keep your routine, plan small pleasant things, and avoid home pregnancy tests before the date you are given, because an early result can easily mislead.

Partners often cope differently. One may want to talk about it all the time; the other may go quiet. Both are normal. Talk openly, do not blame each other, and decide together whom you want to tell. Many couples keep IVF private, and your treatment is kept confidential.

If a cycle does not work, allow yourselves to be sad; it is a real loss. Then come back and talk it through with the doctor, because a cycle that did not work still teaches something useful for the next plan. Our guide on what to review when IVF has not worked explains how.

What support is there along the way?

You will not be left to work things out alone. At each step the team explains what is happening and what comes next, and the husband is welcome at the key visits. Scan visits are short, and they are planned around your work where possible; read how follicle scans guide the injections. IVF treatment days that need the laboratory take place in Goa, and we send a car to bring you and take you home again, free of cost.

Where treatment happens

This guide is by Dr Mayur Pai, MBBS, MS (Obstetrics & Gynaecology), a fertility and laparoscopy specialist. Pai Hospital in Goa has its own operating theatre and its own IVF laboratory, so the egg collection, the laboratory work and the embryo transfer are all handled by one team, who get to know you as a couple.

Questions, or ready to book?

If you have a question, send a WhatsApp message to +91 95185 02773 with your situation and any reports you already have. Consultations are by appointment, so please call Sheetal at our fertility reception on +91 95459 20817 to book a time. Consultations are held in Panjim, Margao, Mapusa and Vasco. This article is for education only and is not personal medical advice; please consult your doctor about your own situation.

Your questions

Or call +91 95185 02773

This page is for general education and is not personal medical advice. Treatment depends on your own examination and reports, so please speak to a doctor about your situation. We do not carry out or offer sex determination of any kind.